I'll do anything for an A

     When it comes to English classes, we all know the drill. If the teacher asks for a personal essay, you drudge up the sappiest piece of garbage you can and hope they feel sorry enough for you to give you an A. One time I wrote an essay about my "heart-wrenching" rejection from The National Honor Society when I was a junior in high school and my "struggle" to be accepted the following year.....and that's the essay that got me into college. But that's exactly what everyone does. We exaggerate and lie to write some inspirational essay about overcoming a rough patch or finding ourselves or some other cliche that definitely was not the outcome of whatever incident we described in our essays. Well that's exactly what I did....expect, of course, it came back to bite me in the ass. This year I was required to take English 100, along with everyone else in the whole school because its a general education requirement. Considering I'm an English major and I consider myself to be adequately familiar with the written word I wasn't worried at all. I knew how to work the teachers and I was ready to get in my inflatable tube and ride this class like the lazy river at a water park. And it would have been smooth sailing if it wasn't for the unexpected rapids known as public speaking.  

     This English class was complete and utter bullshit. All we did was write personal essays about random things, which is actually my specialty so I didn't mind too much. But the moment I heard my teacher mention reading our essays out loud....I almost cried right then and there. The kid next to me had to poke me to get me back to reality because I was spaced out thinking about all the things that would inevitably go wrong....like probably peeing my pants in front of all of my classmates. Fortunately for me, I caught a break. Thank the Lord Almighty (sorry I haven't been to church since Easter when I was 5 - maybe when y'all get some decent bread I'll consider visiting) we had written a team essay and we could opt to read that one with our partners. And in doing so, I came up with a topic for my next essay - overcoming my fear of public speaking. 
   
    Okay, in no way shape or form did this experience help me to overcome my fear of public speaking. I read two paragraphs in front of about 20 people with two other classmates next to me, and even with those circumstances I still felt faint when I had to go in front of the class. But me, being my little kiss ass-self, decided to write my next essay on how I was truly grateful for the opportunity to go before my peers and read my own work because it "gave me the necessary push to participate more" and blah blah blah. The whole thing was a complete lie, but it sounded realllyyyyyy good......a little too good. The teacher ended up setting up a second day to read our essays....and who was asked to be the first person to read their essay to the class? Me! The day of, she approached me and asked me to read my essay in order to "inspire other students to speak up." Of course she asked in a way that I couldn't say no. I was trapped and really starting to feel the effects of my nervousness on my perspiration levels. I couldn't tell her no.....the grades for the class hadn't been finalized yet and I wanted an A. So I did what I had to do. I read my paper in front of the class. 
     
     Honestly, it wasn't that bad. I got through it in one piece without any major accidents or emergency trips to my therapist. Now, I could tell you that I'm glad I did it and how now I'm more comfortable with public speaking....but that would be another lie. I still hate it and avoid it at all costs, but it's something I know I have to do and I've accepted it. Hopefully I'll be more confident when it comes to presentations in the future, but for now I'm still a little bitch. 

Until next time, 
      Don't be a kiss ass and go eat a pineapple