Friday, June 17, 2016
I'll do anything for an A
When it comes to English classes, we all know the drill. If the teacher asks for a personal essay, you drudge up the sappiest piece of garbage you can and hope they feel sorry enough for you to give you an A. One time I wrote an essay about my "heart-wrenching" rejection from The National Honor Society when I was a junior in high school and my "struggle" to be accepted the following year.....and that's the essay that got me into college. But that's exactly what everyone does. We exaggerate and lie to write some inspirational essay about overcoming a rough patch or finding ourselves or some other cliche that definitely was not the outcome of whatever incident we described in our essays. Well that's exactly what I did....expect, of course, it came back to bite me in the ass. This year I was required to take English 100, along with everyone else in the whole school because its a general education requirement. Considering I'm an English major and I consider myself to be adequately familiar with the written word I wasn't worried at all. I knew how to work the teachers and I was ready to get in my inflatable tube and ride this class like the lazy river at a water park. And it would have been smooth sailing if it wasn't for the unexpected rapids known as public speaking.
This English class was complete and utter bullshit. All we did was write personal essays about random things, which is actually my specialty so I didn't mind too much. But the moment I heard my teacher mention reading our essays out loud....I almost cried right then and there. The kid next to me had to poke me to get me back to reality because I was spaced out thinking about all the things that would inevitably go wrong....like probably peeing my pants in front of all of my classmates. Fortunately for me, I caught a break. Thank the Lord Almighty (sorry I haven't been to church since Easter when I was 5 - maybe when y'all get some decent bread I'll consider visiting) we had written a team essay and we could opt to read that one with our partners. And in doing so, I came up with a topic for my next essay - overcoming my fear of public speaking.
Okay, in no way shape or form did this experience help me to overcome my fear of public speaking. I read two paragraphs in front of about 20 people with two other classmates next to me, and even with those circumstances I still felt faint when I had to go in front of the class. But me, being my little kiss ass-self, decided to write my next essay on how I was truly grateful for the opportunity to go before my peers and read my own work because it "gave me the necessary push to participate more" and blah blah blah. The whole thing was a complete lie, but it sounded realllyyyyyy good......a little too good. The teacher ended up setting up a second day to read our essays....and who was asked to be the first person to read their essay to the class? Me! The day of, she approached me and asked me to read my essay in order to "inspire other students to speak up." Of course she asked in a way that I couldn't say no. I was trapped and really starting to feel the effects of my nervousness on my perspiration levels. I couldn't tell her no.....the grades for the class hadn't been finalized yet and I wanted an A. So I did what I had to do. I read my paper in front of the class.
Honestly, it wasn't that bad. I got through it in one piece without any major accidents or emergency trips to my therapist. Now, I could tell you that I'm glad I did it and how now I'm more comfortable with public speaking....but that would be another lie. I still hate it and avoid it at all costs, but it's something I know I have to do and I've accepted it. Hopefully I'll be more confident when it comes to presentations in the future, but for now I'm still a little bitch.
Until next time,
Don't be a kiss ass and go eat a pineapple
Life Update: I have failed you
To Whom it May Concern,
I have failed each and every one of you. Firstly, by not posting ANYTHING on this blog for several months. That is a heinous crime that I hope to makeup for in these summer months. But I'm afraid I've done something far worse. I've ruined the message of my blog that all three of you have enjoyed reading (shout out to Laura, Hannah, and Sarah....please keep reading...no one else does). My brand of being "single and not ready to mingle" is a lie.....I am a lie. I, owner of this blog, have been in a relationship for three months. Please, hold your gasps. I'll tell you the story of how it all began....
A few weeks into college I met this guy. He does not know I am writing this so for privacy's sake we are going to call him Tater Tot. Tater Tot and I seemed to hit it off pretty well....as friends. We had the same sense of humor and I thought he was hilarious. Pretty much every time I was with him I would end up doubled over from laughing so hard (I swear I grew very close to getting rock-solid abs). Sometimes I was laughing with him, and other times I was laughing at him. But as we became better friends our conversations grew to be more than just jokes and bits. He became a source of real friendship, a friendship that was unlike any I had known. I would go to him to complain, to get advice, or just to share the weird thoughts that pop into my head (like homeless people definitely have an underground society...am I right?) And while sharing this private information with him I never felt the need to censor myself. No matter what I said or how much I talked he never stopped listening to me. (I know, he's quite the guy to deal with me....I'm in discussion with the Pope to get him canonized as a saint).
Before we knew it the first semester was over and Tater Tot and I would spend about a month and a half apart. Although the physical separation was extremely apparent, we still talked every day. We talked about life and relationships and whether or not women should free the nipple...you know, the important topics. Next thing I know I can't go a day without thinking of something to tell him or wondering what he's doing. Once I realized how important he was to me, I never looked at him the same. When we got back to school I found myself wanting more than to just be emotionally close to him. I wanted to be close to him, and to my surprise, he wanted to be close to me.
We slowly closed the physical gap between us, but continued to be oblivious to the fact we were basically dating. We spent all of our free time together, we had exhausted all major conversation topics, and we even exchanged a kiss or two. People questioned our behavior and we adamantly denied that anything was happening. It wasn't until late March, that we finally came to the conclusion that we, in fact, were more than just friends. So when we finally admitted this to other people a lot of them simply said "It's about time." It seemed like everyone else saw it before we did.
It's completely true that you can't be searching for love....somehow it just finds you. For years I've tried making things work with people that I knew weren't right for me, and that's why I thought I was perpetually single. You can't force a relationship with someone and you can't be out desperately seeking for one. This relationship was definitely unexpected, but I'm so glad it happened. Luckily for me, love finally found me in the shape of a best friend, and I couldn't be happier.
Until next time,
Stick to your brand and go eat a pineapple
I have failed each and every one of you. Firstly, by not posting ANYTHING on this blog for several months. That is a heinous crime that I hope to makeup for in these summer months. But I'm afraid I've done something far worse. I've ruined the message of my blog that all three of you have enjoyed reading (shout out to Laura, Hannah, and Sarah....please keep reading...no one else does). My brand of being "single and not ready to mingle" is a lie.....I am a lie. I, owner of this blog, have been in a relationship for three months. Please, hold your gasps. I'll tell you the story of how it all began....
A few weeks into college I met this guy. He does not know I am writing this so for privacy's sake we are going to call him Tater Tot. Tater Tot and I seemed to hit it off pretty well....as friends. We had the same sense of humor and I thought he was hilarious. Pretty much every time I was with him I would end up doubled over from laughing so hard (I swear I grew very close to getting rock-solid abs). Sometimes I was laughing with him, and other times I was laughing at him. But as we became better friends our conversations grew to be more than just jokes and bits. He became a source of real friendship, a friendship that was unlike any I had known. I would go to him to complain, to get advice, or just to share the weird thoughts that pop into my head (like homeless people definitely have an underground society...am I right?) And while sharing this private information with him I never felt the need to censor myself. No matter what I said or how much I talked he never stopped listening to me. (I know, he's quite the guy to deal with me....I'm in discussion with the Pope to get him canonized as a saint).
Before we knew it the first semester was over and Tater Tot and I would spend about a month and a half apart. Although the physical separation was extremely apparent, we still talked every day. We talked about life and relationships and whether or not women should free the nipple...you know, the important topics. Next thing I know I can't go a day without thinking of something to tell him or wondering what he's doing. Once I realized how important he was to me, I never looked at him the same. When we got back to school I found myself wanting more than to just be emotionally close to him. I wanted to be close to him, and to my surprise, he wanted to be close to me.
We slowly closed the physical gap between us, but continued to be oblivious to the fact we were basically dating. We spent all of our free time together, we had exhausted all major conversation topics, and we even exchanged a kiss or two. People questioned our behavior and we adamantly denied that anything was happening. It wasn't until late March, that we finally came to the conclusion that we, in fact, were more than just friends. So when we finally admitted this to other people a lot of them simply said "It's about time." It seemed like everyone else saw it before we did.
It's completely true that you can't be searching for love....somehow it just finds you. For years I've tried making things work with people that I knew weren't right for me, and that's why I thought I was perpetually single. You can't force a relationship with someone and you can't be out desperately seeking for one. This relationship was definitely unexpected, but I'm so glad it happened. Luckily for me, love finally found me in the shape of a best friend, and I couldn't be happier.
Until next time,
Stick to your brand and go eat a pineapple
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